One morning as I’m getting ready to leave for work, I walk into the living room and notice that my cat is dragging his ass across the floor. I shrug it off and head to the kitchen to refill my coffee. On the way back I see him scooting his ass across the floor again, only this time I see something.
As I approach him to put an end to the nastiness, I notice a very small pink think sticking out of his butt.
IS THAT A WORM??
I can’t believe this cat has a fucking worm hanging out of his butt. I approach, and as I do the cat stands up and looks at me as if to say, “Help me. Free me from this prison that is in my butt.”
I lay the cat down on his back and roll him over to expose his belly. I move his tail aside and sure enough, I see something pink hanging out of his butt hole.
GOOD GOD THIS IS DISGUSTING!
My first reaction is to just grab it, but I know it’s gross, so I go to the kitchen and grab some paper towels. Funny thing, it’s like the cat knew what was coming, because he just stayed there.
I kneel down, pull his tail back and quickly grab “the worm.”
So I pull.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS THIS THING, I think to myself. As I examine the thing hanging out of my cat’s butt, I realize it is the string from a balloon that we had in the house. My cat has eaten it and is now trying to pass it. The first thing that pops into my mind is, damn that string was long.
You know what? I was right.
So I keep pulling, and pulling. I’m up to about 13 inches of string and the cat is making noises I have never heard in my whole entire life.
Oh, did I mention it stinks. If you’ve never had the pleasure of pulling string out of your cat’s ass, let me just tell you that it smells awful. I gagged several times, much like a new dad changing a baby diaper.
Realizing I am late for work, I decide to speed up the process so I just YANK the string out as fast as I could.
And with that, the cat springs to it’s feet and takes off like he’s been shot out of a canon. He bounces off the couch and just like that is gone in an instant.
I have NEVER heard an animal scream in such a way; and that cat took off so fast that by the time I heard his scream he was in the next room already.
So there I am, kneeling in my living room by myself, dry heaving and holding about 20 inches of pink, poop-covered string and guess what is at the end of it? That’s right, a big old ball of cat shit.
I can’t believe what just happened. My cat made a poop balloon, and I helped.
Reflecting on this event as I drove into work that morning, I realized my error and why he freaked out so badly in the end. By pulling the string out so fast, I probably gave my poor cat a rope burn on his little cat anus.