This happened a long time ago…but I thought I would still share this. If you want more current stuff…get your own fucking blog!
The wife drug me to the mall last night. Turns out it wasn’t such a bad thing because any time spent with her is time well spent. I did however take a moment in Barnes & Noble to not only make a complete ass out of myself but to have a little fun in the process (I don’t do stuff like this often, but every now and then it’s fun.).
First thing I did was walk up to the check out counter and cut about 20 people in line to ask the following:
Barry: Hi. I’m looking for books on how to be calm and show more patience. Can you tell me where I can find them?
Check out lady: Sure, if you go…
Barry: Nevermind, I’ll find ’em myself. [walks away]
So I found a couple of books I wanted – one was an IQ test. I’ve been wanting to know what mine is since I had it done back in 3rd grade. I took the book and headed for the check out. As I’m scanning the books on the shelves, on my way to the check out counter, I see one that catches my eye:
Why Men Love Bitches.
As I’m standing there waiting to check out, I decide to have a little fun before the wife shows up. I tap the guy on the shoulder in front of me and ask, “Hey, sorry to bother you, but have you ever read this book” and show him the Why Men Love Bitches book. He looked and little startled and puzzled as he replied, “Uhhh, no”
“Oh, cool. My dad recommended it to me so I figured I’d check it out.” I said, taking our conversation to Mach 5 on the uncomfortable scale.
Of course, a couple of seconds later, my wife walks up (she’d make a great magician’s assistant because her timing is fantastic!).
I’m greated with a kiss on the cheek as she slides her hand into mine and asks, “what are ya gettin’?”
“Just some self-help books. I found a good book on negotiating, this one is an IQ test, and I found this” and with that, I reveal the Why Men Love Bitches book so that she can read the title herself.
She dropped my hand, adjusted her purse and replied in her best ‘you’re sleeping on the couch’ voice, “I’ll be in the car”.
I noticed that the guy in front was watching and had a stunned look on his face, so I kept going.
“WOW, what was that all about?” I said to him, trying to get him involved again. He didn’t really turn around, so I kept going. “I guess I can forget about asking her to get me “Why Men Cheat” for my birthday, right.”
I should say, I didn’t buy the Why Men Love Bitches book, it was all just a joke to play on my wife. The guy in line just happened to be bonus for me. My wife knows me well enough to know I was having some fun, so when I got to the car she was smiling and greeted me with a joking “I hate you so much”.
At least I hope she was joking.
Oh, I did take the IQ test. Big mistake. I am now dumber than the 3rd grade version of myself. So I have that going for me, which is nice.